This is what I might change grammar/spelling-wise on your poster. It looks great though! I'm just not sure if the like the heaviness of the right side? Maybe it should be a bit more balanced on the left?
-"breast cancer in men usually causes A lump or mass in THE left breast." I don't know, it just feels awkward to me to not include "a" and "the."
-In the section that says "types of breast cancer in men," within each bullet point, I might put a colon after each type, for instance: "cancer that begins in the milk ducts:" The period feels weird to me. Or maybe even start each bullet off with the actual type, like "ductal carcinoma: cancer that begins in the milk ducts. this is the most common...."
-In the second bullet point, I might say "men have fewER lobules in their breast tissue than women."
-Under "Risk Factors," the parts of speech are a bit contradictory. You said "breast cancer is most common in men ageS (should be plural) 60 to 70," but the rest of the risk factors are just statements. Maybe you could say, "Breast cancer is most common in men: *ages 60 to 70 *who drink heavy amounts of alcohol *who have been exposed to estrogen *with a family history of breast cancer...etc. Or just change the first bullet point to "men ages 60 to 70
Hope that helps! Some of it is kind of hard to explain through text..might be able to help more in class on Thurs.
PS the above comment was for the 2nd picture...somehow missed the first one.
For the first one, I feel like I'm a little confused as to whether the poster is targeting, women, or both? The first block says "types of breast cancer in men" but then talks about risks for women?
Where it says age 40, age 50, etc. - i think you should just say the risk statistic, like "1 in 69 chance," "1 in 42 chance," etc. And maybe to make it clear, say "Average woman's chance of contracting breast cancer." Or something like that.
And it should say, "women in their 70s and 80s are at more of a risk." "...highest cure rate, because women in that age group."
Under symptoms, I would just say "breast that is warm to THE touch." Leaving out "the" makes me think that you mean a boob is warm when someone else touches it. "red or blotchy breast," "flat or inverted nipple," "itchy or swollen breast," "dimpled skin surrounding breast." Those changes were all just to make the tone and word order match that of the other poster.
Hmm I have to say I liked how dark these seemed in b&w. I like the color scheme overall, but I wonder about making everything just darker?- I think letting the gradient stay grayer longer could look really nice. maybe I'm just looking at them wrong?
The first one: I think the numbers part in the horizontal box is too small.
The serif typeface in the bullet lists isn't working for me so well, not sure what everyone else thinks on that?
I think Jessica hit everything else I was looking at. def make sure it says women everywhere it says men
Second one: There's a floating X in the black part of the logo
The space in the bulleted points is a little awkward, it comes kinda close to the pictures and leaves a lot at the bottoms.
Again, I think Jessica caught everything else I saw.
SPELL CHECK PLZ 
MY LAST POSTER WAS TOO BIG TO FIT ON HERE BUT ITS ON THE F DRIVE IF ANYONE WANTS TO CHECK IT OUT
ReplyDeleteWhy all the caps, Jenn? Feeling angry lol?
ReplyDeleteThis is what I might change grammar/spelling-wise on your poster. It looks great though! I'm just not sure if the like the heaviness of the right side? Maybe it should be a bit more balanced on the left?
-"breast cancer in men usually causes A lump or mass in THE left breast." I don't know, it just feels awkward to me to not include "a" and "the."
-In the section that says "types of breast cancer in men," within each bullet point, I might put a colon after each type, for instance: "cancer that begins in the milk ducts:" The period feels weird to me. Or maybe even start each bullet off with the actual type, like "ductal carcinoma: cancer that begins in the milk ducts. this is the most common...."
-In the second bullet point, I might say "men have fewER lobules in their breast tissue than women."
-Under "Risk Factors," the parts of speech are a bit contradictory. You said "breast cancer is most common in men ageS (should be plural) 60 to 70," but the rest of the risk factors are just statements. Maybe you could say, "Breast cancer is most common in men:
*ages 60 to 70
*who drink heavy amounts of alcohol
*who have been exposed to estrogen
*with a family history of breast cancer...etc.
Or just change the first bullet point to "men ages 60 to 70
Hope that helps! Some of it is kind of hard to explain through text..might be able to help more in class on Thurs.
PS the above comment was for the 2nd picture...somehow missed the first one.
ReplyDeleteFor the first one, I feel like I'm a little confused as to whether the poster is targeting, women, or both? The first block says "types of breast cancer in men" but then talks about risks for women?
Where it says age 40, age 50, etc. - i think you should just say the risk statistic, like "1 in 69 chance," "1 in 42 chance," etc. And maybe to make it clear, say "Average woman's chance of contracting breast cancer." Or something like that.
And it should say, "women in their 70s and 80s are at more of a risk." "...highest cure rate, because women in that age group."
Under symptoms, I would just say "breast that is warm to THE touch." Leaving out "the" makes me think that you mean a boob is warm when someone else touches it. "red or blotchy breast," "flat or inverted nipple," "itchy or swollen breast," "dimpled skin surrounding breast." Those changes were all just to make the tone and word order match that of the other poster.
Hmm I have to say I liked how dark these seemed in b&w. I like the color scheme overall, but I wonder about making everything just darker?- I think letting the gradient stay grayer longer could look really nice. maybe I'm just looking at them wrong?
ReplyDeleteThe first one:
I think the numbers part in the horizontal box is too small.
The serif typeface in the bullet lists isn't working for me so well, not sure what everyone else thinks on that?
I think Jessica hit everything else I was looking at. def make sure it says women everywhere it says men
Second one:
There's a floating X in the black part of the logo
The space in the bulleted points is a little awkward, it comes kinda close to the pictures and leaves a lot at the bottoms.
Again, I think Jessica caught everything else I saw.